I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
