Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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