I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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