At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
