Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
