You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
