I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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