I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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