I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
