real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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