He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
