Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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