VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
