Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
