she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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