I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
