"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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