ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
