I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
