She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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