I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
