Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
