So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
