Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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