I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize