everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
