I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
