my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
