goodnight i made you a song goodbye
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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