We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
