Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
