It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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