Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
