I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i think my cat just said my name.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
