I have demons in me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
