had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
