were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
