is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
