watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
