Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
