i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
