is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
