This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He shit in the fireplace
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