Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
