The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize