Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
