So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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