Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
