69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I believe in your delicious
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
