I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do herpes really smell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
