I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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