I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
