Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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