Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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