I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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