benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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