I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
