I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
