Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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