He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize