I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
