Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
