you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Randomize
