i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
