At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
