I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
