If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize