We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I party with great urgency now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize