i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize