I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
