So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
