you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize