Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
