Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
