Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Even my vagina gasped.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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