I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
