I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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