make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
