dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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