bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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