are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
