my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
tell me about the fingering
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
