Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
