You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
