So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I am naked and annoyed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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