I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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