I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
