We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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