There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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