I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
